Philosophy For Dummies

On my way through the chaos of the Financial District, headed to the studio, I stumble across a place to quietly contemplate all of our mortality. photo (68) Other times in which I contemplate my mortality are: on the subway, when the subway is somehow suddenly SO BROKEN and I am wasting whole decades waiting for it to arrive, when there are crazy people yelling at me, when there are crazy people yelling at each other.

Emphatic Feelings About Eagles!

In case you need eagles in your life.

Basil: why am I watching an eagle sleep?
me: because it is ADORABLE
because it is an EAGLE CAM
and they are ALIVE
Basil: oh!
me: and they are less annoying than any of the humans you have dealt with or will continue to deal with
Basil: true very true
me: oh my god look at its little face
i need to stop watching this, it’s weirdly addictive
Basil: yeah when’s it gonna move
or eat something or clean itself
me: whenever it FUCKING FEELS LIKE IT
Picture 21

How To Board A Plane Properly (Big Hint: Don’t Lose Your Photo ID)

Sometimes your driver’s license mysteriously vanishes, and you can only imagine that it is at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean, or buried in the sands of SF’s nudist septagenarian biker beach. And then you must approach TSA somewhat in the manner that a lost explorer might approach a pride of giant bear-lions. First use your charm, then use THE POWERS OF DISTRACTION.

me: they’re letting me on the plane anyway?
me: i just started flinging fistfuls of IDs at them
(Juilliard, credit card, metrocard)
like, ID after ID,
then random pieces of paper
receipts, grocery lists, love letters
and they were at first utterly unimpressed
but then they were flattened into submission.
A: I have no words.
me: I am a disaster.
And now I am boarding my plane.

Goodbye, SF

It is possible that no one will ever again treat me as well as you just did. All of my local friends tell me that you were uncharacteristically warm & sunny this past week, that you are rarely so outgoing and joyful. They called it a “coincidence.” But maybe we just bring out the best in each other. Maybe we were meant to be together. Maybe New York can never love me the way you can. And yet…my Germanic heritage inclines me toward suffering. So here I go, back to the cold dark northeast. photo (67)

Make Way For Unicorns

You never know what you’ll see on the way to rehearsal…

Saito and I make a new friend

Saito and I make a new friend

Giant ants are taking over! And some of them are the same color as my cowboy boots! photo (63) What’s a beautiful walk through the park without a thick miasma of pot smoke? photo (65)

Is This What Happens When You Live In The Castro?

It is midnight and you are in the bath, and then your bestie shows up at your door unannounced, with a giant chocolate in the shape of a… well. Hmm…


- Are these things just generally available, like all the time, in the pharmacy and the bodega and the post office?

- Do San Franciscans never travel anywhere without one?

- Is this how the SF public school system does sex education?

- Is this why San Franciscans are so much happier than everybody else? Or is that just the weather, the sun, and the sheer number of attractive people with amazing tattoos on public transit?

So many questions…