Turkish Baths for Giants

In celebration of the day of Swan’s landing on this earth (happy birdday!) we went to the Russian & Turkish baths. If you’ve ever wanted to sweat every toxin out of your pore while herds of giant men lumber past in towels, and other giant men beat each other with feather-duster-looking apparatuses in wet corners of dark rooms, you should follow in our footsteps immediately. We visited the baths on Giant Men Day, so look that day up before you go. url

Aunt Jeff Comes To Town

…somewhat like Santa Claus. Perverse and full of dangerous instincts. And definitely bearing gifts. “Wisdom from Aunt Jeff,” says Aunt Jeff, as I unwrap my present. Jeff1 I’ve known this kid since we were seventeen, restocking the shelves at CVS. He would push me around the aisles in a shopping cart. Later we broke into abandoned playgrounds late at night. As we grew older, we grew wiser. And Aunt Jeff grew into his bread-baking marathon-running nudist-commune ways. “Pants help no one,” Aunt Jeff says knowledgeably. JeffJen

Breaking News: Your Daddy Was A Pig And Your Momma Was An Ape

“The tentative scenario that I picture is that human beings came into being via hybridization between a pig, whose best modern representative is Sus scrofa, and an ape, best represented today by the pygmy chimpanzee, Pan paniscus,” he added.

McCarthy’s claims even initially stunned him.

“I must admit that I initially felt a certain amount of repugnance at the idea of being a hybrid,” he stated. “The image of a pig mating with an ape is not a pretty one, nor is that of a horde of monstrous half-humans breeding in a hybrid swarm.”

On the contrary, Mr. McCarthy, I’m totally into it. Especially if it’s true. But even if it isn’t.

That’s what this storm is all about.

All you can do is give in to it, step right inside the storm…and walk through it, step by step. There’s no sun there, no moon, no direction, no sense of time. Just fine white sand swirling up into the sky like pulverized bones.

And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm is all about.

― [Murakami Haruki, Kafka on the Shore]

Wisdom In Direct Proportion To Sleeping Pills

Found a quote from an Edward Bond play that I scrawled in one of my grad school notebooks: There is no freedom if you can’t fix your own price. Truer words, Mr. Bond. Truer words.

In direct contrast to that, I also seem to have written down part of the conversation of the girl nearby. The best part is: “I just want to talk about it. And she’s very, like, what the fuck, like, ‘Honestly you’re being weird.’ But like, call her, she’s around. I can’t handle this right now. She’s all in resolution mode, and I’m all in self-improvement mode. Whatever. I can barely even sleep at night. So whatever. I’m taking a lot of sleeping pills.”