1. WHY IS IT SO COLD.
2. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME MORE THAN IT IS HAPPENING TO EVERYBODY ELSE.
(Mike Donahue wanted to know this too. Okay fine Mike, it is happening to both of us.)
3. WHY WERE A PUPPY, A HOT BATH, AND A BOWL OF SOUP NOT WAITING FOR ME WHEN I GOT HOME.
4. WHY DOES THE US GOVT WANT MY MONEY. Guys. Come on. Don’t you want somebody else’s instead?
Aunt Jeff: That awkward moment when you’re having coffee with a friend
and realize there are no less than 3 people there with whom you’d hooked up
I think the math was that I had banged 10% of the clientele
A: the thing i love about you
is that you have no sense of self-preservation
truly none
i find it endearing
also disturbing
but useful, very useful
Occasionally in one’s life, one is visited by foreign dignitaries, royalty, and persons of great note. Tonight, Mike Donahue’s mom came to our show and to the bar after. I drew a penguin on her hand. It may be the pinnacle of my penguin-drawing career. Everything is downhill after this. 
Mike and his mom!
Last item in our production meeting: testing fake blood products on the playwright to perfect the splatter. 
If you ever want a 2 ft radius of personal space on a crowded subway, ride it while covered in blood. 
In tonight’s installment of “What The Hell Is Happening On The 12th Floor of Goldman-Sachs??” may I present Amber Hawk Swanson riding on a bike that powers an iPod (by Andria Morales), and Collaboration Town reading us part of their new play (Boo Killebrew, Jordan Seavey, and Geoffrey Decas O’Donnell). 
French Archeologist: The first time I entered to Chauvet cave…it was so powerful. Then, every night, I was dreaming of lions. And every day was the same shock for me…I mean, I’m a scientist. But a human too. And after five days, I decided not to go back in the cave.
Werner Herzog: And you were afraid, in your dreams?
French Archeologist: I was not afraid. No no. I was not afraid. It was a feeling of powerful things. And deep things. A way to understand things which is not a direct way. 
I am not condoning this. But Salvador Dali once owned an ocelot named Babou. They traveled together on ocean liners. And they resembled each other greatly. 
me: do you think she’d like a puppy for her birthday?
or several?
maybe mom wants a birthday tattoo
we can go to a tattoo parlor and then Hooters
My brother: The puppy is a fantastic idea. It’s been almost thirty years so she’s probably totally ready to go back to the days when her life was consumed by something that needs constant attention, gives her nightmares, and shits all the time.
me: oh good that’s exactly what i was thinking
tattoo parlor, puppy mill, and THEN Hooters
happy biiiiiirthdayyyyyyyyy
My brother: Better add another puppy.
And maybe an ocelot.
The secret is to wait until your director’s guards are down, and then strike with mercilessness and efficiency.
In which Mike Donahue discovers that due to the miracles of human anatomy & physiology, he can make the penguin wave by moving his finger.