Mom’s Birthday: A Careful And Reasonable Plan

me: do you think she’d like a puppy for her birthday?
or several?
maybe mom wants a birthday tattoo
we can go to a tattoo parlor and then Hooters
My brother: The puppy is a fantastic idea. It’s been almost thirty years so she’s probably totally ready to go back to the days when her life was consumed by something that needs constant attention, gives her nightmares, and shits all the time.
me: oh good that’s exactly what i was thinking
tattoo parlor, puppy mill, and THEN Hooters
happy biiiiiirthdayyyyyyyyy
My brother: Better add another puppy.
And maybe an ocelot.

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