Sometimes, midday, you give up on it all and go to the park and take a long walk while listening to Anaïs Mitchell.
Solutions For Various Things
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Monthly Archives: March 2016
FaceTime
When a man just needs to FaceTime with his fish…
No I Didn’t Follow Your Dog Down The Street To Take A Picture Of It
Nor did I attempt to shove your dog inside my hoodie and run away while shouting, “EVERYTHING IS OKAY FOLKS NOBODY WORRY.” #forcedadoptionevent
Pandas With Access To Their Emotions
What can I say? Some pandas are more explosive than others.
Pandas and Weather Patterns
You know? You know.
Griddle Me This
Sometimes weekends can be spent in your apartment, and not in an airport. Both locations start with A and end with T, but they are very very different.
We Could Be Beautiful
Swan’s debut novel, coming out June 28th! 
Birds of Northern California
The Swan! In her latest habitat, that involves smoothies and new novels being written. 
In my current guest-cottage-habitat, I am playing the game of Put All The Scenes In An Order And Then Put Them In A Different Order. 
It’s a really great game that nobody has ever thought of before.
DEATHS HAVE OCCURRED ON THIS BEACH
Like for example the time that Andrew Saito and I stumbled on a baby seal by accident, and it raised its head, looked directly at us, and then flippered its way past us and into the ocean, and I almost had a coronary malfunction of some kind. 
But you were a wanderer / and a competent one at that
Okay, NorCal, I get the message. I AM NEVER LEAVING. 
Today’s co-pilot was unconcerned by cows… or seals. 
The sound of 12 coyotes howling on the other side of this small bridge does not faze Andrew Saito in the slightest. 
Sometimes you hike for a long time, and you stumble across a place to pee, and the window has a bullet hole in it. And as you pee, you contemplate how perhaps all previous pee-ers have been shot. 
And other times, you practice being an elephant seal. 
…In my head, Boy & Bear was playing this entire time.