7 am at JFK: There’s a plane! There’s a plan! Our 8:25 am departure is secure.

7:20 am at JFK: Where did the plane go? Will there ever be one again? Delta is unsure.

8:25 am at JFK: “This ‘departure’ you speak of…”

9 am at JFK: “We’re so sorry, we don’t seem to have a plane. Did you come here wanting one? We do not understand why you expected to find a plane at an airport. We have nothing to offer.”

10 am at JFK: “We have found a plane! Please board!”

11 am at JFK: “We’re so sorry, we don’t seem to have plans to take off. However, you are getting to sit on this ‘plane’ that you asked for. Why is that not enough?”

12 pm at JFK: “We invite you to continue sitting for as long as makes you feel joyful. When you are done sitting, you may remove yourself from the ‘plane’.”

12:30 pm at JFK: “Ladies and gentlemen, we would like to announce that we will be taking off shortly! Everybody in the gate area, please return to the ‘plane’!”

12: 32 pm at JFK: “Ladies and gentlemen, an amendment to our earlier announcement – that was just something we’ve heard said from time to time and we wanted to try it out. There is actually still no plan in place to ‘fly’ the ‘plane’.”

1 pm at JFK: “Ladies and gentlemen, bafflingly, some of you have asked us for an ‘ETA’ on ‘departure’ and ‘arrival.’ To which we would like to say, ‘Happy holidays to you from the entire Delta family!’”