How To Board A Plane Properly (Big Hint: Don’t Lose Your Photo ID)

Sometimes your driver’s license mysteriously vanishes, and you can only imagine that it is at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean, or buried in the sands of SF’s nudist septagenarian biker beach. And then you must approach TSA somewhat in the manner that a lost explorer might approach a pride of giant bear-lions. First use your charm, then use THE POWERS OF DISTRACTION.

me: they’re letting me on the plane anyway?
me: i just started flinging fistfuls of IDs at them
(Juilliard, credit card, metrocard)
like, ID after ID,
then random pieces of paper
receipts, grocery lists, love letters
and they were at first utterly unimpressed
but then they were flattened into submission.
A: I have no words.
me: I am a disaster.
And now I am boarding my plane.